Somewhere I Belong
by eclyptyk neo
Summary: First Matrix story attempt. Neo is trying to find his place in the real world, but how can he when his feelings still run strong on his life in the Matrix? Will he ever find his true place? CH.5 and CH.6 POSTED.
1. Finding My Place

**SOMEWHERE I BELONG** ( PG-13 )

Author: Eclyptyk Neo

Summary: Neo has been in the real world for nearly two weeks. He reflects on the life he once had, the lies and the truth crushes him greatly. The rain pours down heavily on his mind and for the first time, he never felt so alone or scared.  
  
Disclaimers: Any recognizable names and concepts (ie. characters and the Matrix, itself) do not belong to me, but to the Wachowski Brothers and Warner Bros. And of course, credit to all the other writers who have been involved and pulled into the world of the Matrix. Without the dreams, the machines may very well destroy us all before we could wake up to see the reality of true creativity and unlimited imagination. I also want to give credit to Linkin Park's "Somewhere I Belong", for their inspirational concept to fit with this story.  
  
A/N: Well, this isn't one of the best things I've written, but as my own worst critic, I always say that. But I'm not much on hitting a really depressing tear-jerker, but I just got to get my idea across more than I have in the past. This would be set a few weeks after Neo was freed from the Matrix. Like I said, this was written back in like February 2004. But getting it on the computer and up to the web is a whole other story. Sorry about that, but hope you like anyway. And I would consider myself a "silent speaker"–the words/thoughts on paper speak louder than the voice of the one who own's it– and I tend to get my ideas out better on paper anyways.

* * *

"What does a person do when they try to find out where they belong in a new world, and the dreams lead to painful lies of the past?" -Eclyptyk Neo

* * *

_**Part One: Finding My Place**_

* * *

"Where do I belong when I've been trying to fit into a place that's all to new to me? Do I even know who I am?" -Eclyptyk Neo

* * *

_When this all began I had nothing to say _

_And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me _

_I was confused _

_And I'd let it all out to find _

_That I'm not the only person with these things in mind _

_Inside of me _

_When all the vacancy the words revealed _

_Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel _

_Nothing to lose _

_J__ust stuck, hollow and alone _

_And the fault is my own and the fault is my own.....  
_  
Neo sat up, sleepless, in his bed on the Nebachanezzar.  
  
It's been already two weeks since he has been on the ship and it hasn't been easy at all. The musky metallic air filled his lungs with every inhaling breath. The hours of each day were cold. It only got colder at night, when the ship would indicate the time of day. Every breath felt icy on the fingertips. The water wasn't the greatest either, tasting like it was drained through rusty metal pipes. The food was much worse, running down a person's throat like what one would call glue, grits and oatmeal. There was no taste to it. The smell was undescribable, but was needed for energy. The ship itself seemed to rot away as the years grew longer apart. The interior was rusting, and each step felt like the entire ship was going to collapse under a person's weight. The outside of the ship was discolored.  
  
Neo was getting used to it. He had to. There was no way he would go back to the Matrix. Not without knowing that his entire life was full of lies. Up to the very day he was freed: friends, family, places he visited and wanted to see were all lies. And they continued to pile up in his mind as the dreams came and went through the night.  
  
He pulled the ragged sleeves of his sweater up to reveal arms full of holes and plugs. Those very plugs that feed the information of his life–the lies–into his mind. And now, they were in his mind like an open wound. He had woke up from all of it, but nowhere near safe in this world. His mind, the minds still trapped in the network ran by the machines, were pawns in a game for survival. Survival for the machines. Torment for humans, though they had no idea what was happening to them. But, now he did.  
  
Neo rubbed his arms and shuddered. The very thought brought chills down his back. He never felt so confused. If this was the feeling of being confused. Lost. Unsure. Though he was 32, he would have to learn how different life in this world was. How life really was. Seeing for the first time with his eyes open. Walking and moving around without having machines feed the information into his mind.  
  
He left the room, treading down the hall and up to the core of the ship. His heavy footsteps echoed in the quiet corridor.  
  
He hadn't gotten much sleep since the fight against Agent Smith. He felt like he didn't do enough. Like he still had things to fix. Like he still had to fight. And he did. The machines didn't welcome anyone free from their battery to the Matrix to let them live. So, he was a threat. But he was also considered by Morpheus and those remaining on the ship to be the One. He would save them all from the torment.  
  
He made his way into the Core. No one was around. It was quiet. Neo couldn't blame them. The ship was in much need of repairs since the sentinel attack.  
  
Most of the crew was out of commission, too. Morpheus was still suffering the after effects of the drugs and strain in his leg. Tank was fine for the most part, except for a broken arm and several ribs. Neo had suffered internal bleeding, causing him to sleep deeply, if he could. But never did. Trinity was the only one free of any injury.  
  
Apoc, Doser, Switch and Mouse were all pronounced dead after the deadly incident. And Cypher was in critical condition. Everyone knew how much he wanted the plan to work, but it didn't. Now, if they were ever going to question him, they'd better get him help as soon as possible. Or there may be answers none of them may never get answered.  
  
Neo walked into the medical bay. The first thing he saw was the second in command figure attending the traitor of the team.  
  
"I couldn't sleep." he stammered quietly as he stepped in.  
  
Trinity emerged from the shadows, but said nothing.  
  
"How is he?"  
  
"Still in critical condition." she said simply, as she looked up at him. "How are you doing?"  
  
He ran his hand over his stomach. "I'm okay."  
  
She turned away, taking mental note of Cypher's condition on the monitors.  
  
Neo looked away, slightly guilty. He couldn't stop thinking about her ever since the incident. He could still hear those words she said to him in his dying hour. In what he thought would be his dying hour. But was only a revelation. A power that gave him the energy to get up. To be re-born. To live again. He thought he was dead. Knew it. Felt it. His lungs collapsed on him and his vision was darkened. Yet, in another time, another life, another place, he couldn't tell what it was. He heard Trinity's voice. He could sense the danger on the ship, the sentinels tearing through the hull with no hesitation.  
  
"..do you hear me, Neo?" Trinity had whispered to him as he sat there dead in his chair. "You can't die. You are the One. The Oracle spoke of a man, a man I would fall in love with, and that man would be the One. You are that man and I'm never letting go. I love you..." He blinked, watching the figure behind him attending to Cypher. There was un-described beauty in her eyes. The first time he met her, the world around them seemed to stop.  
  
He rocked on the soles of his boot, uneasily. Trinity noticed it and looked up at him, catching him by surprise. Their eyes met. Neo needed to say something. He wanted to say something, but couldn't find anything to say. He couldn't. He was too mesmerized by those alert blue eyes. Trinity looked down, sighing. "I know it's hard for you, Neo. None of us asked for this kind of life, especially you. This isn't easy. It's not suppose to."  
  
Neo nodded. "Yeah, but I can't blame you. I just gotta know something, though."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Have you ever dreamed of having a life that didn't involve fighting for your life?"  
  
"No." she said simply.  
  
"How about the perfect life?"  
  
"No." she said sternly. "No one can. They can dream about it, but it could never happen."  
  
"Why not?" he asked quietly.  
  
She looked back up at him. Her face unchanged. Showing no real emotion or real thought to his question. "Life isn't perfect. No one can be perfect. So, why must someone dream about something that will never come true? Honestly, those possibilities, these things that seem possible, are all the work of the Matrix."  
  
Neo stepped back. He only wanted to make conversation with her. And he really didn't know how. The life he had in the Matrix was focused on work and computer hacking. He didn't have time for a social life. Or really wanted one. He was anti-social. Didn't have that many friends. His fellow hackers he never could call friends. He lived alone. Routine was all he knew. Things in the real world were different, and he had to start somewhere. He just didn't know how or where.  
  
He only had brief conversations with Tank, but it was better than nothing. He wanted to talk to someone else. Needed to. Morpheus still intimidated him with his strong-will and determination. He knew it would have to be Trinity. He wasn't afraid to tell her anything, but if she wasn't going to listen he would get nowhere.  
  
That night after the sentinel attack, after the incident, she came to him after attending to Tank and Morpheus. She knew he needed comfort, someone to hold. She laid there beside him, keeping him warm and stroking his buzzed cut hair until he fell asleep. They didn't talk. Only enjoyed the others company. Laid there breathing in the other.  
  
She left before morning, hoping the other two crew members wouldn't think anything of that night. But that was a little too late when they were present at her confession to him. It was far too obvious. Neo was lost in finding his place in this new world. She was there to pick up where he could not. Neo turned away, leaving the room. He must have thought it was a mistake to confront her about that night. After that, they never really talked or saw each other. She was avoiding him, but for what reasons, he had no answers for. He felt confused and embarassed.  
  
Trinity wanted to stop him, but let him go. She was never good at conversing with anyone on a personal level. It was always directed as a leader. As authority. As power. She was used to giving orders. Used to the male-dominated world of the Neb. And after fighting for nine years, there was nothing to back it up. That was the only life she knew. To fight for survival. Nothing else. But after Neo came onboard, it was hard to figure out where her place was. And where she really belonged.  
  
Every time she saw Neo, her heartbeat would increase. Her stomach churned. It was unlike anything she ever felt. She didn't want a relationship, though. Didn't see it fit in the fight for her life. Fight for the human race. She didn't know what love was. And if this was how it felt, than it was something new to her. And she didn't know how to cope with it.  
  
Trinity left the room, finding Neo sitting in the operating chair in the Core. He watched the screens, intently, ignoring all other activity in the room. Trinity slowly walked over to him, hoping it wasn't too much of a bother to be standing right there beside him.  
  
He hadn't come at the best time. He knew that. He didn't come from a good position. He knew that. His mind was far too depended on the system, and it was harder to let it all go. His eyes darted to his right as he saw the familiar figure of Trinity next to him. He didn't say anything.  
  
The code fell from the main screen, but no one could really notice it. Not anymore. Neo understood it the moment he rose from the dead after Agent Smith tried to kill him. Now, where he once saw code, he could see buildings, trees, cars, etc.  
  
"What are you doing?" Trinity asked quietly.  
  
"Nothing." he said simply as he turned off the screen and turned the chair away. "I think I'm going to head to bed... Ya know, get an early start for tomorrow or whatever."  
  
"You haven't really been sleeping this whole week, Neo." Trinity stated, knowing that she'd come to his room seeing him toss and turn. She would see the tears that escaped his eyes as he tried to sleep, but did nothing about it. Hoped he could cope with it on his own.  
  
He looked at her, then directed his attention to the ground. He shrugged. He got off the chair and slowly headed off back to his room.  
  
"Neo." Trinity said barely above a whisper.  
  
Trinity was at a loss of words. This never happened, not to anyone, except Neo. She could feel the distance between them. She knew he wanted to know her, get close to her, but she wouldn't permit it. Didn't permit it. Only because she was scared. Scared of the change.  
  
He heard her, but ignored it. He hoped that playing hard to get, like she was doing to him, would make her realize the mistake of holding him back. He felt like a child around her, especially when the others were around. Alone, there was something else. It wasn't bad, but pure. A power unlike anything they've ever felt. He knew it had to be love. He wondered why she pushed him back, especially after confessing the truth about her feelings for him only days ago.  
  
"Neo." She said again more direct and serious.  
  
Neo snapped, turning to face her. "What?!"  
  
She looked down for a moment, then peered up at him. She saw the tension in his mysteriously, darkened brown eyes. And she couldn't think anymore. She didn't know what to say. She wanted to know the person behind those eyes. She knew he was scared and that he needed guidance only she seemed to give.  
  
They stood there captured in the mystery and beauty of each other's eyes. They kept their distance staring like mindless zombies trying to read the other's thoughts.  
  
Neo caught his breath, looking away. Trinity did the same.  
  
_....I wanna heal _

_I wanna feel _

_What I thought was never real _

_I want to let go of the pain I felt so long _

_Erase all the pain til it's gone  
  
I wanna heal _

_I wanna feel _

_Like I'm close to something real _

_I want to find something _

_I've wanted all along _

_Somewhere I belong...._  
  
To be continued.........


	2. Sharing Something Special

**_SOMEWHERE I BELONG - Part Two: Sharing Something Special_**

* * *

"What is love when neither one of you know exactly what it means with a shield of lies over it?" -Eclyptyk Neo

* * *

"I don't understand," Trinity broke the silence, as Neo met her in the eyes again. "Why are we acting like this?"  
  
"Like what? Mindless zombies? It's what people call love." Neo said with some sarcasm. "Or has things changed since all these years? Have you been running from it this long?"  
  
Trinity looked at him, slightly appalled at his comment. "Well, what about you?"  
  
Neo shrugged uncomfortably. "Waste of time. Not something I really wanted to worry about."  
  
"Yeah, I'd agree. But ya know, for the last thirty-odd years of your life, you've been living in a dream world bent on controlling all your thoughts."  
  
Neo grabbed his heart, stepping back. "That hurts, Trinity. You've never thought about it at all since you've been here?"  
  
Trinity slipped into the operating chair, observing him. She saw the tension. The shortness of his breath. The rising emotions in him. She smiled, slightly, crossing her arms across her chest. "Nope." she said simply. "Waste of time."  
  
"Is this what it's like to be cold-hearted? To not believe in such a thing as love." He found his way to one of the engineering chairs.  
  
"I've found no interest in it. It would get in the way." She shrugged.  
  
"And you never gave it a chance?"  
  
She shook her head. "How would you know how it feels like?"  
  
"Even if it was all destroyed by the lies of the Matrix, there is something here." He nodded slowly. "You keep telling me that I've been living in a dream world. Fine. I admit that I am in one. But how do I know that this isn't a dream either."  
  
"These aren't lies, Neo." She said. "I should know–"  
  
"Know because you've been fighting for nine years? Or think you know?"  
  
Trinity glared at him as she walked over to him. She knew exactly what he was doing, but she didn't want to give into it. She was better than this and he was using her own game against her. "Do you think I liked this? Liked fighting for all these years? You have no idea what I've been through."  
  
"And is it any easier for me? Look," Neo forced out a breath. "As far as I could tell, I've been nothing but trouble since I got here."  
  
"If you thought it would be trouble, why did you take the red pill?"  
  
He looked at her, then up at the ceiling, letting out a sigh. "I thought things were gonna be different. It's way too fucking different. But I thought it would be more welcoming than the lies I've been getting in the Matrix. Besides, can you blame a guy who seems to find interest in you?"  
  
Trinity looked down guilty and slightly embarrassed. She didn't want to push him away, but she knew he was putting up an act. He never knew how to react with anyone. He was used to following the rules, or trying to make his own rules for the sake of making a living.  
  
Neo looked up at her, crossing his arms. "I know you want to apologize. Don't. Maybe, it's just me. This is all still going over my head. After finally waking up from this dream, I never realized how much I missed it. How much I was used to and what I still had to learn. I'm sorry, Trinity."  
  
Trinity wanted to smile, but did it internally. She knew this person. An innocent, lost child who didn't know right from wrong. She knew he wanted to fit in. Was trying to. To learn. He was trying, and no one wasn't all too welcoming for his effort.  
  
Neo was about to get off the chair, but Trinity pushed him back into the chair. Their eyes met again. Trinity held him down, easing closer into him. Neo's breath grew short. He could feel her short breath against his own. He found his arm wrap around her back, pulling her closer. For the moment, they looked into each other's eyes. Nothing was spoken. The rising emotions stirred both of them.  
  
But Neo was the first one to move. His lips moved to lay a gentle kiss on Trinity's lips. But Trinity was the first one who deepened the kiss, requesting entrance. He didn't oppose as he welcomed it intently. She could feel his uncertainty. There was passion there. And they both knew it. And anytime they managed to make that move, for their lips to touch, it grew more intimate. More passionate. More secure. More pure.  
  
Yet, there was still a gap between them. A distance. The level on which they talked wasn't personal. It was only general talk.  
  
Trinity broke the kiss, catching her breath. She met his eyes again, the mystery behind them. They pulled her in, drawing her so close. Neo felt slightly confused. He wanted to kiss her again. Explore every aspect of her body, but didn't really know how. If he really wanted to rush into it. If this was how feeling happy was, he didn't want to let it go. As far as he could tell, he was already living a miserable life full of lies.  
  
Trinity kissed him again. The embrace was warm and calming. She caressed his face as the kiss grew deeper with passion.  
  
Nothing else seemed to matter at that moment. To either of them. They were in their own world. Just like the first time they met.  
  
Neo found his hand run under Trinity's sweater, but she caught it before he could go any farther. He knew instantly that she wasn't looking for that.  
  
"No, Neo." She said against his lips. "Not yet. Not now."  
  
He looked away, but complied. He usually never knew what he wanted in a relationship, but he knew this would be the one. Not because he was the One and it was fate that brought them together. But because the way they touched and looked at each other was something more. That she was the one who had convinced him of taking the step into reality. Because she believed in him. Because he saw hope in her.  
  
He nodded. "Yeah. Don't want to rush it."  
  
She slowly pulled away, but still allowed his hand to stay protectively around her.  
  
The room fell silent.  
  
"Do you ever regret it?" Neo wanted to know, breaking the silence.  
  
"Taking that pill?" Trinity sighed, shaking her head. "Sometimes. I haven't thought about it much lately. I've gotten used to the fight for survival."  
  
"Would you go back?"  
  
"After all that I faced?" she shook her head. "No. I don't really think I could."  
  
Trinity walked away and back over to the operating computer. Neo wanted to follow, but sat back thinking. He felt slightly out of place. He felt she wasn't telling him what he wanted to hear, but would have to deal with the answers she was giving him. Trinity turned the computer screen back on, realizing there was still in huge downpour in Matrix: New York. "I noticed you haven't slept much lately."  
  
He nodded, as she walked back over to him. "I'm not a big sleeper. Never was."  
  
"That's bad for you, ya know."  
  
He shrugged. "It doesn't bother me much."  
  
"I think it does." she said, freeing his computer from its locked position. "The Matrix still leaves scars on you. You're not ready to let it all go. You've only been in there once since the sentinel attack a few days ago."  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
"I've seen you up here late at night staring at the monitors. Looking at the life you thought you had." She said gently with some force.  
  
He looked away, shaking his head.  
  
"I think it's time you say good-bye, Neo."  
  
Neo looked at her, than at his lap, the plugs, the scars of no control ran over his entire body. He shuddered again.  
  
Trinity pushed him back into the chair, caressing his face. "It's for the best."  
  
He forced out a sigh, nodding.  
  
She strapped him into the chair, gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead and drove the central plug into the back of his neck where it met his head. His eyes fell shut and his body went into a state of unconsciousness.  
  
_...And I've got nothing to say _

_I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face _

_I was confused _

_Looking everywhere only to find _

_That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind _

_So what am I _

_What do I have but negativity _

_Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me _

_Nothing to lose _

_Nothing to gain, hollow and alone _

_And the fault is my own and the fault is my own...._  
  
To be continued.........


	3. Into the Darken Abyss

**_SOMEWHERE I BELONG - Part Three: Into the Darken Abyss  
_**

* * *

"Do you have any idea who I am when you've been living in the world full of lies your entire life?" -Eclyptyk Neo

* * *

Neo opened his eyes and found himself in an alley underneath a fire escape. The rain crashed down in bigger distributions, drenching him instantly. His black attire stuck to him like glue, making him feel heavy with every step. He felt cold instantly, as the rain ran down his face and clothes like pulsating veins. He shivered, walking forward. The water ran down his shielded eyes making his vision blurry. He knew why Morpheus and the others wore sunglasses in the Matrix. It acted like a barrier between the real and the fake. It was a shield into the eyes of the soul, between the freed and the controlled.  
  
He peered out of the alley, watching the formation of buildings, cars, people, etc as the code seemed to disappear beyond it. He knew in the back of his mind, all he saw was the binary code to form images of every day objects. But, now it didn't seem to matter. It was second nature.  
  
Yet, he couldn't avoid it. He knew what was exactly before him. The lies.  
  
The people around him went about their business, evading the rain under jackets, umbrellas, or newspapers. Cabs came and went to transport people to their destination. Dogs barked in the distance. Honks came from frustrated drivers at pedestrians or other vehicles.  
  
Neo walked up the sidewalk, slowly. His past–the lies–played slowly through his mind as he passed through the familiar buildings where he had ate, talked, hung out, bought stuff. But it was lies. It wasn't real. It wasn't necessarily a dream when you couldn't wake up from it.  
  
He looked into the street. Saw the road rage. But it wasn't really there. These people thought it was real. But it was the work of the Matrix, of the machines deciding how that person acted. How this person acted. Where to put that building.  
  
Neo shuddered again. He was freezing. But not in the depths of his mind where he knew the truth. This was the dream world. He was only asleep. But he could die here and never wake up in the real world. It happened once. It almost did. But in the comfort of the Neb, he was dry. Warmer. In the real world, he never felt so numb. Cold. Alone. Mentally exhausted.  
  
He walked into the closest building, into the lobby and into the elevator. The floor drenched by every step he took. But no one really took notice in the mess he was making. He went up to the 27th floor and exited, finding his way past the busy bees he once called his co-workers. He found his way to the lone cubicle he called his own. But there was nothing real special about it. It was clean. It was organized. But only because he wasn't there much and made no big deal to make his area stand out.  
  
He shook his head. "No. That was me. That's who I once was. That was Thomas Alan Anderson. And now, he's dead. He was killed the day I thought I died. But, now I'm alive. My name is Neo. It always was. And I am here to save the human race from total annihilation against the machines that control this world."  
  
Someone walked passed the cubicle, but stopped short seeing the man occupying the seat in it.  
  
"Thomas?" the man said slightly confused.  
  
Neo looked up, the rain ran down his face like it was sweat. He got to his feet, but said nothing.  
  
"Man, Thomas. Where have you been?! Rhinehart has been riding all over our asses for your absence." He raised his eyebrows. "That's a new outfit." Neo held up a hand, silencing the man. "That's my business, Jeff. Why did you even bother to watch my back?"  
  
"Well, after those crazy sons of bitches took you out of the building, Rhinehart's been interrogating all of us about it, thinking we'd know something. We thought it was all a set up, but it's been a week now, Thomas."  
  
Neo nodded. "I know. Long complicated story."  
  
"What are you gonna do?" Jeff seemed worried.  
  
Neo shrugged. "Go talk to him."  
  
He walked off and headed up to the top floor where the boss was. When he always had to see the boss, he was so hesitant to go, feeling it was the day he'd get fired. Not today. Not anymore. He could head the voices inside, arguing. He pushed the door open and peered in.  
  
"..so, you admit you've been covering up for Mr. Anderson and his absence?" Rhinehart stated abruptly.  
  
"No. Well, yes. But that's not the point." The other man tried to defend himself.  
  
"Then what is the point?" Rhinehart snapped.  
  
The man was stuck on words. Neo cleared his throat as the two men turned to look at him. "Well. Well. If it isn't the half-wit that's making my company go down the drain after that stunt you pulled a week ago, Mr. Anderson." Rhinehart growled, glaring at the man in the sunglasses.  
  
"I'm sorry for not explaining my absence, Mr. Rhinehart, but my visit won't be long."  
  
"Well, I don't want to hear it, Thomas. You're fired!"  
  
"Now, you didn't let me finish." Neo stated, dismissing the last statement made by his former boss.  
  
The other man saw the stern, stiff movement of his fellow co-worker, but didn't stay to think what would happen. He left without saying another word. Neo turned to the door, making sure that it was shut before turning back to his former boss.  
  
"Just because those agents were after you doesn't mean it will save your job, Mr. Anderson."  
  
Neo held up his hand, knowing what he was going to say. It made him chuckle. "Than I guess you didn't get my message, Rhinehart. I quit days ago, so you can't necessarily fire me if I don't even work for you anymore." He paced the room and collected the baseball-sized metallic ball from one of the file cabinets meant as decor. He looked back at his boss, seeing the worried look on it. Neo chuckled again as he walked over to the elder man in the room.  
  
"Stay back, Thomas." Rhinehart huffed, taking a step back.  
  
"Are you scared of me now, Rhinehart?"  
  
"No." Rhinehart huffed again.  
  
Neo slammed the ball into the desk, making the small man jump. He pulled it away to reveal a dent on the table. "Did I do that?"  
  
Rhinehart swallowed deeply. "What do you want, Thomas?"  
  
"Nothing." He shook his head. "I just want you to know that there is a new authority in town. And his name is Neo. Thomas died days ago."  
  
He turned and left the room without saying anything else. But before he left, he tossed the ball into the air, as it came crashing down making a huge hole in the boss' desk.  
  
Neo made the walk back to the elevator with on-lookers looking at him in fear. Confused. Shock. Worry. But no one risked going up to him to talk to him. They noticed the different content in his character. It frightened them.  
  
Neo ignored it. He left the building just as he came in. No one really stopping him or recognizing he was there. He stopped, looking up at the building. "Good-bye, Thomas. You were only a dream, but there are some things I'll never forget."  
  
To be continued..... 


	4. Destroying The Past

**_SOMEWHERE I BELONG - Part Four: Destroying the Past  
_**

* * *

"What happens when the past was apart of lies that must be destroyed along with who you once were?" -Eclyptyk Neo

* * *

He treaded up the street, knowing it was going to be a long walk to his apartment. Going back to Thomas' past. Going back to the dream.  
  
An hour passed.  
  
The rain was now calm. Soothing. A blanket that covered the land and cleared away the air. Most people would have collapsed under the cold of being in the rain for this long. But it didn't seem to bother Neo. He had to admit those that looked at him saw the discoloration in his face. But that didn't seem to bother him. He was testing his wits of mental capacity. He was testing his strength in a world that was full of lies, but still so real.  
  
"It wasn't suppose to be this way." Neo told himself. "So many lies. So many people to save. So many problems. Fights. Truths. Lies. It won't end. And it never will."  
  
He walked up into the apartment building. It wasn't the best place to live, especially in a district where more violence and death came over calm and relax days. The building was rundown and held a moldy, musky smell. Debris fell from the ceiling to sprinkle the floor below. Gunshots wounded the walls where blood revealed deadly brawls. Some doors hung like a limp, while those who seemed to take care of it managed to keep it from being pelted by bullet holes too.  
  
Noise filled Neo's ears as he entered the building. He walked past arguing couples, crying babies, barking dogs and playful children. Again, no one seemed to recognize him or see he was there.  
  
He headed up to the fifth floor, the floor where he once called him home. He was hesitant to take another step into the apartment, as he saw it cracked open with several bullet holes penetrated through the wood frame of the door.  
  
When he walked in, books were scattered all over the place. Furniture was overturned. Walls were stripped down to nothing but the foam underneath. The windows were smashed. Rain poured in to wet the place. As he headed into the bedroom, it was the same deal. Trashed from top to bottom.  
  
He figured it was neighbors from down the hall seeking out money for his absence. He didn't care if that was the case. He wouldn't need it. But than again, it could have been the agents trying to find anything suitable for finding out where Morpheus was. Or even he was.  
  
The noise seemed to grow as he made his way back into the living room. Screeching tires outside. Gunfire and smoke filled the air. Dogs barked violently. People screaming.  
  
The madness drove pain to Neo's ears. Pain shot into his head, but he ignored it. Since, he was freed from the Matrix, he's been hearing things. Seeing things. He wasn't sure if it was just dreams. Visions. Lies. He saw and heard it in the real world, and it was only getting worse as he sat there in the Matrix. There was one thing he had left to do.  
  
"Destroy all evidence of my existence."  
  
He got to his feet, found a lighter on the counter next to a half-finished bottle of beer. He threw down the bottle and ignited the lighter, setting it on the mess. The area shot up into flames. And as a chain reaction, Neo pulled out a gun hidden in a side pocket and shot one of the outlets. The sparks flew igniting circuits and busting outlets.  
  
He stood there at the threshold, as the room slowly became engulfed in flames. His old life–Thomas' past–was being destroyed before his very eyes. And he didn't regret it one bit. Not anymore.  
  
He turned away and followed the stairs back down to the main level. As he left, the apartment exploded behind him.  
  
Sirens were heard in the distance, and Neo didn't stick around to see what was going to happen.  
  
He had one more place to go to. The underground city for hackers, Programmer Delight.  
  
To be continued..... 


	5. Goodbye, Choi

**_SOMEWHERE I BELONG - Part Five: Good-bye, Choi_**

* * *

"Why must the people of your past also be apart of the cycle of lies, especially when they were your friends?" -Eclyptyk Neo

* * *

Another hour passed.  
  
Homeless people seemed to ignore him, but than again he was beginning to understand why. They were merely code. They were apart of the system. He was not. He was beyond it. A threat to it. He was like a free moving virus–a free mind. But here, he was nothing more than code. But die here and there would be no chance for a future in the real world. There had to be no mistakes here. But than again, there had to be no mistakes around death at all. It was a dangerous game. And it wasn't clear for Neo to conclude if the agent program was destroyed for good.  
  
Neo walked passed a shadowed wall, just as someone touched him on the shoulder. As a reaction to the threat, he pulled out his gun threw it into the man's throat pushing him against the wall. He caught his breath when he saw the man's face. It was Choi.  
  
"Shit, man. What the hell are you doing?" Neo relaxed, dropping the gun.  
  
"Sorry, man." Choi replied as he rubbing the back of his neck absently. "I saw you enter your apartment building an hour ago, T. I figured you'd be down here soon enough. But where have you been? Some of the other hackers are getting worried. Not to mention your clients."  
  
Neo looked away, shaking his head. "Sorry, Choi. I'm not in that business, anymore."  
  
"What?! Are you kidding me? You were making the big bucks."  
  
Neo shook his head again. "I know you've grown concern. A lot of people have, but I can't do it anymore. There is so much more I gotta worry about."  
  
"Don't tell me those agents shitted all over you, man?"  
  
Neo chuckled sheepishly remembering the day he took out Agent Smith. "No. It's something else."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I can't tell you, Choi. For your own safety. And that's all you need to know, for now. I'm outta here, man."  
  
"So, you just gonna throw it all away?"  
  
"Not exactly. But the game I'm playing is much more deadly. More corrupted."  
  
"Man, T, I don't get you sometimes." Choi sighed, shaking his head.  
  
"That's what keeps you on your toes, Choi. But I have one thing to ask of you."  
  
"Sure. What's up?"  
  
"Do you believe that the Matrix is real?"  
  
"A place that controls your every thought. Reaction. Feeling. Life. And have no clue about it?" Choi nodded. "Yeah, I believe it's out there somewhere."  
  
Neo looked away. "Yeah, it'd be sad. To have your life being controlled by the machines. You were the battery."  
  
Choi laughed. "Hey, man. It could happen."  
  
"Oh yeah. It could happen." Neo turned away. "But this is it, man. I'm starting over. I'm not gonna be doing the computer hacking anymore."  
  
"What?! Hey, T, you sure you're making the right choice? I mean, you've been--"  
  
Neo cut him off. "..doing this computer hacking for nearly 15 years. I know, Choi. But I'm taking a new leave. I'm gonna help people. Save them from something that isn't there."  
  
"Law enforcement? Man, Neo, sometimes you just..last time I saw you, you were trying to avoid the fed either way."  
  
"Well, there are agents on my ass, I think. But I really don't give a shit."  
  
Choi relayed a sigh, knowing that he couldn't win over his friend's decision. "All right, man. I just hate to see you go, Neo. You're one of the best."  
  
"Time to move on, man. It's a dangerous world out there, Choi. The life in which you choose will reflect on how successful you'll get in life."  
  
Choi clasped Neo in one last good-bye and left without saying another word. They were the best of friends. If that was a friendship, and now Choi was among many on Neo's list to save in the Matrix.  
  
Neo watched him go and headed the other way.  
  
_....I wanna heal _

_I wanna feel _

_What I thought was never real _

_I want to let go of the pain _

_I felt so long _

_Erase all the pain til it's gone  
  
I wanna heal _

_I wanna feel _

_Like I'm close to something real _

_I want to find something I've wanted all along _

_Somewhere I belong...._  
  
To be continued.........


	6. I Know Where I Belong

**_SOMEWHERE I BELONG - Part Six: I Know Where I Belong_**

**

* * *

**

"Never stop searching for your place in the world. We all serve a purpose, and it's there to be discovered." -Eclyptyk Neo

* * *

Another hour passed.  
  
Neo finally made it back into the city life as people crowded under roofs from the rain, waiting it off or for transportation.  
  
So many minds. So many lives. So many people. Anything is possible in this world. I can't fight it anymore.  
  
He walked passed the people again. Young and old. Single. Married. Dating. Innocent. Weak. Power. Aggressive. They just didn't know. None of them had any clue.  
  
He ducked into another alley and collapsed on a wall, slumping onto the wet ground. He removed his sunglasses and buried his face in his lap. Tears streaked down his face.  
  
He blinked. And in the puddle, he could see himself in the confides of the ship. He was warm–well, warmer than in this dream. Dry. The rags he wore seemed so much more comfortable than his wet attire on his back now. He was asleep.  
  
This was only a dream. A dream that was real, but fake in every respect. If they died here, they died in the real world. With no chance to come back.  
  
"The body cannot live without the mind." Morpheus had said.  
  
He blinked again. The rain covered up the tears.  
  
"I don't know if I could do this." he whispered. "There's too many of them. I don't think I can do it. If I fail, everyone dies. If I'm victorious, we'll all be free. But the sacrifices I've already made–how many more do I have to make?"  
  
He heard Morpheus' voice in his head again. "We have a rule. We don't free a mind after a certain age. It has a hard time adapting it. It can't accept the change. And it's far too depended on the system."  
  
"I understand, Morpheus." Neo admitted. "But I never thought I missed so much. Needed so much. Left so many things behind. This is hard for me. This is unlike anything I've ever experienced. I don't know if I could do it. I don't know if I could do it alone."  
  
He buried his face again, seeing the people he once knew as co-workers, friends and family. He shuddered again.  
  
He was alone. Yet, he wasn't. The crew of the ship was his new family. His new friends. His co-workers. Those that died, died for him. Made the sacrifice for him to survive. For him to live on, because he was the One.  
  
This wasn't home anymore. The Matrix was a dream. Home was on the Nebachanezzar. In Zion, if he ever got to see it.  
  
Neo forced himself to his feet. He replaced the sunglasses over his eyes and retreated out of the alley.  
  
Again, he looked at the people around him, hearing Morpheus' guiding words. "...here in the Matrix people don't realize that the machines control their every action. Every feeling, interest or thought. They own you in here, Neo. They're trapped and many of them don't realize it. Most refuse to let it go and they'll fight to protect it. There are two people in this world. Us and them. If you are not fighting against the system, than you are fighting for it. You are an agent. And they won't stop until you're dead."  
  
"Search and destroy." Neo told himself. "Just like the sentinels in the real world."  
  
He watched the people as prey. He wasn't a predator. Nor did he want to be a threat. He only wanted to do what had to be done. Save the human race. Morpheus believed he was the one. Tank did. And so did Trinity. He couldn't let them down. He couldn't let down all the freed minds in Zion or those that were still here in the Matrix. And until the Matrix will be destroyed, no one was free. No one.  
  
Neo turned away, heading into a darkened street less taken. It grew dark. The rain had finally stopped, but the streets were abandoned. The sun began to break away from the cloudy abyss. He felt that joy was no longer an issue, if it was. He had a job to do. It would take time, but for nearly 30 years of his existence he didn't know where he was or what he was doing.  
  
"No more lies, Neo." he told himself. "You now live in the world of truth. This before you are dreams that make anything possible. This is real. The Matrix is real and it has control over more than you ever had in your life."  
  
In the distance he heard a phone ringing. It was time to go. He knew. He knew life was never meant to be fair. But he now saw it in new light. The truth being covered by the lies.  
  
He walked over to the telephone booth. Looking at the world before him, the code droned away the color and fine detail of the area. He hesitated, letting out a sight. He picked up the phone, pushed it up to his ear as his eyes fell shut. The coldness was swept by a dark void. His entire body was engulfed into the void and the coldness was no longer there.  
  
The phone dropped, dangling on its cord as a dial tone rang through Neo's mind.  
  
_...I will never know _

_Myself until I do this on my own _

_And I will never feel _

_Anything else until my wounds are healed _

_I will never be anything _

_Til I break away from me _

_I will break away I'll find myself today.....  
_  
-----  
  
When he could hear the strumming beat of machines in the back of his mind, he slowly opened his eyes. He felt the jerk of the long needle being pulled from its central feeding ground. He wasn't drenched in the freezing cold reality of the Matrix, but of warmth he was so glad to have a hold of. He was back in his ragged clothes he had every right to call his own. He looked away, avoiding contact with the very person who sent him into the Matrix to say good-bye to his past. Though it was a comfort to have her right there, he couldn't move.  
  
A dream. It was just a dream. He thought.  
  
He finally looked up at the strong athletic woman, who didn't seem to look back at him. He knew how hard it was. The emotions of sadness couldn't escape him. He let the tears fall as he got off the chair hoping he could retire to his room and finally get some sleep.  
  
But, Trinity stopped him from taking another step. Though, she didn't look up to see the hurt in his eyes, he knew that she was crying too. And it was a shock to even see her in that state of mind. She appeared so strong. So competitive. So willing to end the war between man and machine. But he fell into her welcoming, comforting hug.  
  
And for the first time, Neo knew exactly where he belonged.  
  
_....I wanna heal _

_I wanna feel _

_What I thought was never real _

_I want to let go of the pain _

_I felt so long _

_Erase all the pain til it's gone  
  
I wanna heal _

_I wanna feel _

_Like I'm close to something real _

_I want to find something _

_I've wanted all along _

_Somewhere I belong...._

THE END


End file.
